My Year in Music

Rather than summarizing my year in pictures or paragraphs, I'm going to post the songs that helped me make it through the year.

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord

No tender voice like thine can peace afford

I need thee, oh, I need thee

Every hour I need thee

Oh bless me now, my Savior

I come to thee

I need thee every hour, in joy or pain

Come quickly and abide or life is vain

I need thee, oh, I need thee

Every hour I need thee

Oh bless me now, my Savior

I come to thee

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,Still all my song shall be,Nearer, my God, to Thee.Nearer, my God, to Thee,Nearer to Thee!




Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,Darkness be over me, my rest a stone.Yet in my dreams I'd beNearer, my God to Thee.Nearer, my God, to Thee,Nearer to Thee!




There let the way appear, steps unto heav'n;All that Thou sendest me, in mercy given;Angels to beckon meNearer, my God, to Thee.Nearer, my God, to Thee,Nearer to Thee!




There in my Father's home, safe and at rest,There in my Savior's love, perfectly blest;Age after age to be,Nearer my God to Thee.Nearer, my God, to Thee,Nearer to Thee!Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!The night is dark, and I am far from home;lead Thou me on! Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene; one step enough for me. 


I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on; I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on! I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears, Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years! 


So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on. O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till the night is gone, And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile! 


Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God. To rest forever after earthly strife In the calm light of everlasting life.
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.







Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.







Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.



Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.








This year, the songs stuck in my head were hymns.  When I was younger, I thought it was kinda silly to sing a hymn when something was bothering you. Over the past year, I have really come to rely on the comfort that comes with their words.  It's the words of these songs that have increased my testimony and got me through 2011.  They are what summarizes the last year for me. :)

The prettiest thing you'll see

Is the holly that will be on your own front door.


So true.  I am so excited to finally be going home.  This week has been so hard and I am exhausted - in every way possible.  I don't think I could have handled another week at school.  This week killed me. Here's a list why:


1: The morning of my Italian exam, I forgot everything Italian.
2: Work was just tiring.
3: I am just tired.
4: After working for four hours and just finishing my 5 page (not that long, I know. But still) research paper on high fructose corn syrup, my computer crashed and lost it.


#4 was the worst.  Needless to say, I cried a lot.  It was kinda the last straw.  The really sucky part was that right after, I had to go take my marriage prep test.  I needed to get a 91%.  I got an 89%.  The whole time, I just kept wanting to cry again.  In fact, I did on the way home. 


This morning I had to then get up at 5:30 (I went to bed at 12:30) to sell plasma before leaving for the airport.  They wouldn't let me.  I was so tired and done that I cried again even though it really wasn't that big of a deal.


I'm just so ready to be with my family and not worry about life for just a couple weeks.  Give my self a minute to catch up with my own life.  I promise to post a more optimistic, oh-happy-day post soon.  I just need to get some rest and stop being an emotion girl.  


Time to board my flight!  WOOHOO!

Happy Birthday, Dad

This isn't actually really totally about my dad, so don't get too bored already!  In five days, I will be going home.  I seriously cannot wait.  I haven't gotten to spend much time with my parents in a long time and I really miss them.  Don't let them know that, though, or it'll go to their heads and I'll never hear the end of it.  I do miss my family though.  It's kinda really sad that we haven't all been together in three years.  In fact, this is the second Christmas that I will be the only kid going home.  It's times like these that I'm so glad I'm sealed to my family, even if they drive me absolutely crazy sometimes!  


Anyways, this week is going to be nuts.  I have 5 finals, one paper, and will be working 20 hours.  They're basically the most inconvenient hours possible but considering I work for the testing center, someone has to be there to give other students the glorious opportunity to take their tests.


It seems the adversary is working really hard to make me feel down lately.  I must admit, this year hasn't been as great as last year.  It's kinda depressing to think that a year ago, I was spending my reading days trying to find time to hang out with all of my friends.  This year that's not really a problem.  Take that how you want.  School is hard, life is hard, and I miss my family.  It's so easy sometimes to just sit around and wallow in my own patheticness.  I think that's why I was asked to give a talk for today on seeking out Christ.  It really helped me see that I can find Him in all things and He will help me if I just ask Him to. 


I really like something I found for my talk that President Uchtdorf said.  He said that we are all given giant, wonderful portraits of Christ.  The portrait, however, is an intricate puzzle given to us piece by piece.  Sometimes we can't see how a piece fits into the whole but when we finally fit everything together, we can see that all along, Christ has been there with us all along.  


I feel like right now in my life I'm being given odd shaped pieces of my puzzle.  I never really liked puzzles to begin with - I always would do the edges and give up - and I am having a hard time seeing the big picture.  I know that one day, though, I'll be able to look back and not only see a glorious portrait of my Savior, but I'll see that all along He has been with me, carrying me when I could no longer move any farther.  That's such a good and encouraging thing to know.


As for my title, I am giving my dad myself as his Christmas present :)  Since I will technically not be home until Saturday (yay cruddy flights!) I will be getting home on his birthday!  So what better gift could I give him than having his favorite child home?


Anyways.  I should probably go back to studying instead of wasting my life away doing something I actually want to be doing.  Yayyyy schoooool...

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
Income's breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gives

Right around sunset

Helps me realize

This is just a journey

Drop your worries

You are gonna turn out fine.

Oh, you'll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know its hard,

To remember sometimes,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Only rainbows after rain

The sun will always come again.

And its a circle, circling,

Around again, it comes around again.

You gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Remember

Last night, Lauren, Erika, and I had the chance to go see Lion King 3D in the dollar (except not ever a dollar) theater.  It was pretty cool to see it on the big screen and be in a theater full of 20-somethings watching a kid movie.  While I wasn't as freaky happy/emotional as Lauren was (it's her absolute favorite movie so I think it like made her life to see it.), there was one part that really got me.


No, it wasn't when Mufasa died.  While that part always made me cry as a kid, the part that brought tears to my eyes was when Simba was all grown up and talking to his father (in heaven).  Since I can't sum it up as great as it was, I'll just put the dialogue here.


Mufasa: Simba. 
Simba: Father? 
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me. 
Simba: No. How could I? 
Mufasa: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life. 
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be. 
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember... 


What hit me wasn't what I heard with my ears, but what I heard with my heart.  There in that nasty, decrepit theater, I heard instead:



Brooke, you have forgotten me. You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Brooke. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place next to me. Remember who you are. You are my daughter, and true royalty. Remember... 


While I haven't forgotten my Father, I have forgotten who I am.  When we left the presence of our Heavenly Father, a veil covered our eyes.  We couldn't be tested and grow if we could remember our Father and who we are.  Satan (or Scar in this case) does everything to make us run from that heritage and steal away our full potential.  It is so easy to forget that we are truly sons and daughters of a king.  I am a daughter of God.  I am not just some nobody.  He is here inside each and every one of us.  All we have to do is look, really look, and we will see His image inside of us.  He loves us.  He hasn't forgotten us and will never stop watching over us.  We just need to remember Him and He will guide us.  


It meant so much more knowing that just last week, President Monson specifically chose that message, a quote from a Disney movie, to share with us BYU students in his devotional.  Now is such a difficult time to be alive.  There is so much turmoil and uncertainty all around us.  One thing is certain though.  We have a Father in Heaven.  He loves us and knows us and will always be with us.  It is never too late to turn around and return to Him and our heritage.  


All He asks of us is to remember.

It makes sense if you don't think about it...

But what if you do?!


Do you ever see a smiley face or something on Facebook and you think "What the heck is that supposed to be in real life?"


Well I do.


So I made this blog post.  Here is a list of smileys people do on Facebook that just don't make any sense to me.  Don't be offended if something you use is on here, I just personally don't get it.


Also, please forgive me for any severely unattractive faces.


1) XD
What is this?  I mean, I know what it is, but when does anybody actually make this face?!

2) ;(

The only thing I can imagine for this one is Popeye missing his pipe.

3) >_<

Is this the "If I close my eyes tight enough, whatever I am talking about will disappear" face?

4) :S

I must admit I've used this one a time or two, but how many times has anyone actually made that face in real life when they were worried?

5) ^_^

I feel like this is some sort of happy face but after recreating it, it doesn't work the same.

6) :P

Ok.  Anyone who knows me knows I HATE when people post pictures of themselves with their tongue out.  Therefore, I don't really like this one much.

7) :V

I don't even know.

8) :3

Once again, I seriously have no idea.

If I find more, I'll add them.  Don't worry ;) (One that actually makes sense!)

I'll see your em dash and raise you one more.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long.  Not that anyone has necessarily noticed. Life lately has been wonderful but so horribly incredibly difficult that I've had a hard time blogging.  I'm sick of sounding so negative in my posts but life just isn't as easy as it used to be.  Good and bad, though, I've decided to post an update of my life for anyone who cares to read but doesn't talk to me on a regular basis.


1) I changed my career path.  I've realized that I really don't like editing that much (at least copy editing) and I can't see myself doing it as a career and being happy.  I have decided to fast forward to what I really want to be: a literary agent.  In order to do that, I have to get a job as an assistant to one.  That means I need to get an internship as an assistant to one.


2) Internships are hard to find.  Lauren's family said we could stay with them in Maryland and commute to DC if we could find internships/jobs there. I emailed 10 agencies one night and... ONE EMAILED BACK!  Granted they only said maybe and asked to see my resume, but still.  That's a start.


3) Money sucks.  There's never enough but there's always a need.  Guess I should just quit my job and start protesting. ;)


4) I don't care about certain people one way or another anymore.  Honestly, they have pretty much just become another person in the world to me.  Kinda sad but it was their choice and I'm sick of letting it control me and my emotions.  I have enough emotions to deal with and I don't need that as one of them.


5) I asked someone on a date.  They said no.  Granted they had a pretty good excuse and began it with "I wish I could but" but still.  Rejections suck.


6) The shift I really wanted at work was given to someone else.  That means the most hours I can get next semester is like... 10 a week. So not good.


7) I applied to be a Writing Fellow.  While it pays more than my job, you only get 60 hours a semester.  Those 60 hours occur in two one-week waves known as "Hell week...s."  Part of me really wants it for the money and the "wow this looks really good on your resume" factor, but part of me is scared.  And unqualified.


8) I don't even know.  I'm so tired.  I just need a break.  Just over two weeks until I get to escape to southern Utah/Vegas for a few days.  HALLELUJAH!


9) I am so sick of writing.  By the end of tonight, I'll have written over 15 pages, completed essays in two languages, come up with a cover letter and resume, and edited about 16 pages written by 4 people. I'm so sick of reading and writing.  I'm dying.


10) I'm still trying really hard to live by this.  It hasn't gotten any easier.