Oh the irony.

My mom sent this to me today.  I find it seriously ironic since I say in there "Never write anything you don't want someone else to read," and here it is being read by the very person who told me that.  But anyways.  I guess I wrote this when I was ten.  That was more than half my life ago now!  Weird! I was cute.  And stinkin' smart if I do say so myself, besides some of my spelling at least ;)

Stranded

The picture right before the bright idea is where I'm at.  Or at least hopefully I've come that far...

What lime is this?

This past month has been really good.  I've still been stressed because of normal college student-working-in-the-summer stuff, but my heart has been so much lighter this last 4 weeks.  


So what's been going on?


First off, I've been able to let go of so much anger against certain people.  With that gone, I have been able to feel more like me again, which is very nice.


Secondly, I have gone on a couple dates.  Some ok, some pretty good, and that has definitely been nice.  It's crazy how not going on dates makes you not feel like a girl anymore, but as soon as you do, your girliness comes back full fledged. And I like being a girl ;) 


Besides that, I've just been working and working.  I have two jobs right now.  One is at Lane Bryant at the mall.  I only work like 6-10 hours there though so my other job is at this call center type place working 25 hours a week.  Both are minimum wage but I'm grateful that I not only have a job, but have two jobs.  Money has been really tight recently but I wouldn't really expect it to be any other way!


The only thing that has been bothering me is wanting to go home so badly.  I miss my family a lot and my house.  And the beach.  And swimming pools.  And my parents.  And my friends.  And just home pretty much!  It costs about $350 to get there though, so that probably won't be happening, sadly.


To not focus on me anymore, LAUREN'S ENGAGED! And as we have learned, you can't spell engaged without gag.  But that's not the point.  This last week Mama Smith was here and it was so nice to have a mommy here!  She cooked for us and took care of us and it was just so nice!  We went wedding dress shopping and found Lauren a really beautiful dress!  We've been talking about colors and themes and ideas so much lately, I feel like I could plan my wedding in five minutes.  Just kidding.  But we have been talking about wedding stuff non-stop and it's been really fun, but really scary and weird!  We just seem too young to be getting married all of a sudden haha But I really am happy for them and can't wait to see everything come together and see my best friend married for time and all eternity!


That pretty much sums up my life right now.  Crazy yet simple and totally fun and unexpected!  

The Sacrament, Atonement, and Forgiveness.

There has been something on my mind a lot lately, and that is forgiveness.  Today I realized that even though it wasn't something I knelt and prayed about, it was a prayer I had in my heart and it was a prayer I had answered today.


For the most part, I forgive quickly.  But there is one case in my life that has been almost impossible for me to entirely get over.


Today, we not only heard a wonderful talk about forgiveness, but we heard about the Atonement and how to better appreciate the sacrament.  I hadn't really thought about the fact that until I could forgive, I could never fully accept the atonement into my own life.


One person has wronged me more than anyone I've ever known.  But I cause more harm to Christ than anyone could ever imagine doing to me.  It was for my sins (all of ours really, but that's not the point I'm making...) that my Savior bled from every pore.  I have brought this pain upon Him even with having an understanding of what He did for me.  I have knowingly sinned.  Not with intent to cause Him pain, but it has happened all the same.  He not only still took on my sins, but He felt every pain I've ever felt, including this one.


This thought came to me strongly as we were told the story of the two debtors, one whose debt was great and the other not so great.  The man with higher debt was forgiven but refused to forgive the man who owed him.


This was me.  I was the debtor that owed so much to my Lord yet refused to forgive the person who had wronged me.  I having been sitting and waiting for an apology when I didn't even deserve one because I was in the wrong so much more.


While it's still something I'm trying so hard to work on, I suddenly have such clearer thoughts as to the direction I need to move and so much more mercy in my soul.


I have truly been humbled and hope that I can show the mercy that my Savior shows me on a daily basis.  


This was a Sabbath day that has reminded me of my Father's love for me, as imperfect as I am, and that He is aware of me and my needs, even if I don't formally get down on my knees and tell Him.

Also

the one day I go to the Cannon Center - the first time I go to the Cannon Center - and give myself permission to grub out to make it worth the money...


I see a guy I have a slight crush on. 


Just my luck.

Sad.

But true.

One Art

I just memorized this poem for my Fundamental Literary Interpretations class.  We had to memorize a poem and write about it.  As soon as I read it, I knew it was mine.  I'm not going to go into the details, and it may sound weird, but I feel it.  That's all.


One Art


The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.