This past month has been really good. I've still been stressed because of normal college student-working-in-the-summer stuff, but my heart has been so much lighter this last 4 weeks.
So what's been going on?
First off, I've been able to let go of so much anger against certain people. With that gone, I have been able to feel more like me again, which is very nice.
Secondly, I have gone on a couple dates. Some ok, some pretty good, and that has definitely been nice. It's crazy how not going on dates makes you not feel like a girl anymore, but as soon as you do, your girliness comes back full fledged. And I like being a girl ;)
Besides that, I've just been working and working. I have two jobs right now. One is at Lane Bryant at the mall. I only work like 6-10 hours there though so my other job is at this call center type place working 25 hours a week. Both are minimum wage but I'm grateful that I not only have a job, but have two jobs. Money has been really tight recently but I wouldn't really expect it to be any other way!
The only thing that has been bothering me is wanting to go home so badly. I miss my family a lot and my house. And the beach. And swimming pools. And my parents. And my friends. And just home pretty much! It costs about $350 to get there though, so that probably won't be happening, sadly.
To not focus on me anymore, LAUREN'S ENGAGED! And as we have learned, you can't spell engaged without gag. But that's not the point. This last week Mama Smith was here and it was so nice to have a mommy here! She cooked for us and took care of us and it was just so nice! We went wedding dress shopping and found Lauren a really beautiful dress! We've been talking about colors and themes and ideas so much lately, I feel like I could plan my wedding in five minutes. Just kidding. But we have been talking about wedding stuff non-stop and it's been really fun, but really scary and weird! We just seem too young to be getting married all of a sudden haha But I really am happy for them and can't wait to see everything come together and see my best friend married for time and all eternity!
That pretty much sums up my life right now. Crazy yet simple and totally fun and unexpected!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
The Sacrament, Atonement, and Forgiveness.
There has been something on my mind a lot lately, and that is forgiveness. Today I realized that even though it wasn't something I knelt and prayed about, it was a prayer I had in my heart and it was a prayer I had answered today.
For the most part, I forgive quickly. But there is one case in my life that has been almost impossible for me to entirely get over.
Today, we not only heard a wonderful talk about forgiveness, but we heard about the Atonement and how to better appreciate the sacrament. I hadn't really thought about the fact that until I could forgive, I could never fully accept the atonement into my own life.
One person has wronged me more than anyone I've ever known. But I cause more harm to Christ than anyone could ever imagine doing to me. It was for my sins (all of ours really, but that's not the point I'm making...) that my Savior bled from every pore. I have brought this pain upon Him even with having an understanding of what He did for me. I have knowingly sinned. Not with intent to cause Him pain, but it has happened all the same. He not only still took on my sins, but He felt every pain I've ever felt, including this one.
This thought came to me strongly as we were told the story of the two debtors, one whose debt was great and the other not so great. The man with higher debt was forgiven but refused to forgive the man who owed him.
This was me. I was the debtor that owed so much to my Lord yet refused to forgive the person who had wronged me. I having been sitting and waiting for an apology when I didn't even deserve one because I was in the wrong so much more.
While it's still something I'm trying so hard to work on, I suddenly have such clearer thoughts as to the direction I need to move and so much more mercy in my soul.
I have truly been humbled and hope that I can show the mercy that my Savior shows me on a daily basis.
This was a Sabbath day that has reminded me of my Father's love for me, as imperfect as I am, and that He is aware of me and my needs, even if I don't formally get down on my knees and tell Him.
For the most part, I forgive quickly. But there is one case in my life that has been almost impossible for me to entirely get over.
Today, we not only heard a wonderful talk about forgiveness, but we heard about the Atonement and how to better appreciate the sacrament. I hadn't really thought about the fact that until I could forgive, I could never fully accept the atonement into my own life.
One person has wronged me more than anyone I've ever known. But I cause more harm to Christ than anyone could ever imagine doing to me. It was for my sins (all of ours really, but that's not the point I'm making...) that my Savior bled from every pore. I have brought this pain upon Him even with having an understanding of what He did for me. I have knowingly sinned. Not with intent to cause Him pain, but it has happened all the same. He not only still took on my sins, but He felt every pain I've ever felt, including this one.
This thought came to me strongly as we were told the story of the two debtors, one whose debt was great and the other not so great. The man with higher debt was forgiven but refused to forgive the man who owed him.
This was me. I was the debtor that owed so much to my Lord yet refused to forgive the person who had wronged me. I having been sitting and waiting for an apology when I didn't even deserve one because I was in the wrong so much more.
While it's still something I'm trying so hard to work on, I suddenly have such clearer thoughts as to the direction I need to move and so much more mercy in my soul.
I have truly been humbled and hope that I can show the mercy that my Savior shows me on a daily basis.
This was a Sabbath day that has reminded me of my Father's love for me, as imperfect as I am, and that He is aware of me and my needs, even if I don't formally get down on my knees and tell Him.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Also
the one day I go to the Cannon Center - the first time I go to the Cannon Center - and give myself permission to grub out to make it worth the money...
I see a guy I have a slight crush on.
Just my luck.
I see a guy I have a slight crush on.
Just my luck.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
One Art
I just memorized this poem for my Fundamental Literary Interpretations class. We had to memorize a poem and write about it. As soon as I read it, I knew it was mine. I'm not going to go into the details, and it may sound weird, but I feel it. That's all.
One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
L'erba del vicino e sempre piu verde.
In Italian today we read a poem. At first it made no sense. Partly because it's in Italian and in part because it just really made no sense.
Basically this is what it said.
To the river: "Let me pass!"
Responded the river: "Where are you going? Along with the men and women? The ox bellows also and the mosquitoes sting.
What do you hope for? The same water, sweet, to love, along my other bank! It is the day, it is beautiful. The air stirs itself, the fabulous woods, what do you think.
Always the other bank is what you crave, man. The well-lost or vainly waited. Me, cold, between the dreamer and the dream.
Always suspended high above your head your fate, if you go, if you stay. For each road to be dragged along, again, your turmoil."
Once I understood what it was saying, I began to think.
So often we look at what we have and see that it's not good enough. We see what we're lacking and what we are longing for. We set goals because we aren't happy with what we have. Not that progression isn't good, but often we hope to be thinner, richer, etc. We are so focused on where we're lacking that we don't see our blessings. When we really do have issues, we think that then we don't need to work to make it better. We think that we just need to change something minor, say just the right thing, and our lives will be perfect.
It's time for all of us to see what we have and be grateful. Truly and honestly thankful for all we have in our lives. Stop protesting that things aren't fair. If you really don't like the way something is in your life, do something about it. Make goals that will enhance the joy you already have sitting right in front of you but make sure they aren't vain or completely self-serving.
"When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf
And remember, the grass really isn't always greener on the other side.
Basically this is what it said.
To the river: "Let me pass!"
Responded the river: "Where are you going? Along with the men and women? The ox bellows also and the mosquitoes sting.
What do you hope for? The same water, sweet, to love, along my other bank! It is the day, it is beautiful. The air stirs itself, the fabulous woods, what do you think.
Always the other bank is what you crave, man. The well-lost or vainly waited. Me, cold, between the dreamer and the dream.
Always suspended high above your head your fate, if you go, if you stay. For each road to be dragged along, again, your turmoil."
Once I understood what it was saying, I began to think.
So often we look at what we have and see that it's not good enough. We see what we're lacking and what we are longing for. We set goals because we aren't happy with what we have. Not that progression isn't good, but often we hope to be thinner, richer, etc. We are so focused on where we're lacking that we don't see our blessings. When we really do have issues, we think that then we don't need to work to make it better. We think that we just need to change something minor, say just the right thing, and our lives will be perfect.
It's time for all of us to see what we have and be grateful. Truly and honestly thankful for all we have in our lives. Stop protesting that things aren't fair. If you really don't like the way something is in your life, do something about it. Make goals that will enhance the joy you already have sitting right in front of you but make sure they aren't vain or completely self-serving.
"When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf
And remember, the grass really isn't always greener on the other side.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Chivalry: Dead or Alive
So lately I've noticed something. Chivalry is kinda dead. I never really thought I'd be saying that when I go to school with a crazy-ton of LDS guys. But it is, I think.
I've noticed this in a few ways.
First, boys don't really hold doors open anymore. Just today, I had a guy run past me, open the door, and let it slam in my face. He was literally 3 or 4 steps in front of me. It was so rude. Even if he didn't want to be a gentleman, he should have at least held it because I'm a fellow human being.
Tip: Boys, some girls may not like you pausing to hold the door open for them, but do it anyways. Most of us appreciate it and should say thank you. Even if you're running late to class, take 5 extra seconds to pause and hold the door.
Second, "ladies first" should really still be happening. I noticed this a lot when I rode the bus. Boys would squeeze in front of me to get on the bus sooner. I'm sorry, but that's rude. Let a girl go first. Seriously.
Tip: Really, your day won't be ruined because you let a girl go ahead of you. Say, "After you" and you may make her day.
My third example is something I noticed in my class last night. If you're in a crowded place and there aren't enough seats for everyone, do not make a girl sit on the floor. That is straight up rude. If you are terrible enough to force a girl to sit on the floor while you sit comfortably in a chair, you are messed up.
Tip: Boy, offer the girl your chair. You won't ruin your jeans or look less manly because of it. In fact, that girl will remember you for doing something nice for her.
Fourth, boys don't walk girls home anymore. Unless they're dating, guys say "See ya!" and let girls make their way home alone. Being in a ward that's separated by a couple blocks has made me notice this. I live in an all-girls complex and whenever we'd go do stuff with the guys, they never offered to walk us home. Yes, it's only two blocks and yes, it's out of the way, but still, at least offer.
Tip: Ask girls if you can walk them home. It doesn't mean you're making a move and can be really sweet whether you are or aren't try to make one.
Fifth, if you're at a party or event, especially one hosted by a girl, and you stay until the end, offer to help clean up, take out the trash, etc. If a girl was willing to put in the work for you to have a good time, show appreciation by doing something small in return. Most of the time she will refuse, but it's the thought that counts. Being a part of the Tall Club presidency and staying until everyone's gone to clean up has taught me a lot about guys. The guys that offer to help clean up or just start doing it without asking are the guys that I remember the most and respect more.
Tip: Do what I just talked about and offer to help clean up if you go to an activity or party and stay until the end.
This is all I have for now. Guys, please make a greater effort to be gentlemen. Girls will remember you for it and will really appreciate it. It shouldn't be questioned if chivalry is dead. All girls should know it's alive and strong, so do your part :)
I've noticed this in a few ways.
First, boys don't really hold doors open anymore. Just today, I had a guy run past me, open the door, and let it slam in my face. He was literally 3 or 4 steps in front of me. It was so rude. Even if he didn't want to be a gentleman, he should have at least held it because I'm a fellow human being.
Tip: Boys, some girls may not like you pausing to hold the door open for them, but do it anyways. Most of us appreciate it and should say thank you. Even if you're running late to class, take 5 extra seconds to pause and hold the door.
Second, "ladies first" should really still be happening. I noticed this a lot when I rode the bus. Boys would squeeze in front of me to get on the bus sooner. I'm sorry, but that's rude. Let a girl go first. Seriously.
Tip: Really, your day won't be ruined because you let a girl go ahead of you. Say, "After you" and you may make her day.
My third example is something I noticed in my class last night. If you're in a crowded place and there aren't enough seats for everyone, do not make a girl sit on the floor. That is straight up rude. If you are terrible enough to force a girl to sit on the floor while you sit comfortably in a chair, you are messed up.
Tip: Boy, offer the girl your chair. You won't ruin your jeans or look less manly because of it. In fact, that girl will remember you for doing something nice for her.
Fourth, boys don't walk girls home anymore. Unless they're dating, guys say "See ya!" and let girls make their way home alone. Being in a ward that's separated by a couple blocks has made me notice this. I live in an all-girls complex and whenever we'd go do stuff with the guys, they never offered to walk us home. Yes, it's only two blocks and yes, it's out of the way, but still, at least offer.
Tip: Ask girls if you can walk them home. It doesn't mean you're making a move and can be really sweet whether you are or aren't try to make one.
Fifth, if you're at a party or event, especially one hosted by a girl, and you stay until the end, offer to help clean up, take out the trash, etc. If a girl was willing to put in the work for you to have a good time, show appreciation by doing something small in return. Most of the time she will refuse, but it's the thought that counts. Being a part of the Tall Club presidency and staying until everyone's gone to clean up has taught me a lot about guys. The guys that offer to help clean up or just start doing it without asking are the guys that I remember the most and respect more.
Tip: Do what I just talked about and offer to help clean up if you go to an activity or party and stay until the end.
This is all I have for now. Guys, please make a greater effort to be gentlemen. Girls will remember you for it and will really appreciate it. It shouldn't be questioned if chivalry is dead. All girls should know it's alive and strong, so do your part :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
