Mustaches, cigars, shots, and margaritas.

Well everybody, it's official. I'm fully legal.  Not that that really changes anything about my life but that's ok! My birthday was pretty much fantastic! Last Saturday I had a party and lots of my friends came to hang out and celebrate.  It was a BYORB. Also known as bring your own rootbeer.  We basically just played games and talked and had fun. Or at least I did!  

Then at midnight on my birthday Elizabeth and I went to the 7Eleven by our apartment and I bought a beer.  Calm down everyone.  I poured it in the grass.  We contemplated driving around to find a homeless man to give it to but that seemed too sketchy so the grass seemed the best place to dispose of it!  That was a fun adventure though and definitely one of my favorite memories now!  

After sleeping and skipping all of my classes for the day, Erika, Eric and myself went to Maria Bonita's! So good! Erika and I got virgin margaritas.  They were HUGE and so so so sour!  They were kinda expensive though so we made ourselves drink all of it.  Needless to say we felt really sick afterwards!  Never again will I buy a margarita. Ever.

That night a few friends came over and we played poker and made shots with combinations of grenadine, raspberry lemonade, orange juice, tonic water, and pina colada mix.  We had fake mustaches and tootsie rolls for cigars.  It was pretty great.

Now for the important part of this post! 21 things for 21 years!  I guess this year I'll do things I'm grateful for or events that have made me happy/influenced me in the last year. Prepare yourselves for awesome to come at you in no particular order.

1. Having a private room.  This is just so fantastic. Like seriously. I love having my own room. 

2. My family.  Seeing them last month was just what I needed.  I had missed my parents so much.  There's just something great that happens when you get to be with your parents.  It kinda makes me sad to think about not being close.  So I just don't think about it ;)

3. Target.  This seems silly but Target makes me so happy.  If I had all the money in the world, I'd buy myself my own Target. It's like Disney to me.

4. Having dated someone.  After actually dating someone, my life has really changed.  That sounds weird.  But seriously.  Even though it didn't work out, I'm ok with it.  I learned so much about what I want in my future husband and what I am and am not willing to sacrifice.  

5. Being happy.  I've noticed in the last couple of weeks how happy I am.  There are so many things to stress me out but through it all, my heart feels light and I feel joy.  I know that's they way life is supposed to be and I am so grateful for the ability to be happy no matter what circumstances I face.

6. Good weather. It has seriously been the most perfect beautiful weather lately and I absolutely love it!  I wish I could spend all day outside! It's just gorgeous!!!

7. Forgiveness.  I am so grateful that I have been able to learn how to let go and forgive people.  I think it's a lesson that Heavenly Father knew I needed to learn.  I am also grateful for the ability to know that I can be forgiven for my mistakes.  It's such a beautiful thing!

8. School.  I LOVE my classes this year!  All of them are so interesting (well, maybe not D&C...) and just fit what I want to learn about so perfectly!  Love it!

9. Jobs.  While I am a little worried I am going to have a complete mental breakdown by the end of the school year, I am so thankful to have not just one job but two.  Money is getting tighter and tighter so I can use all the help I can get.  Unless someone wouldn't mind like sponsoring me or something... I wouldn't mind quitting... :)

10. My car. Ethan is awesome.  I love having a car! I love being able to be independent and go where I want when I want!

11. Being capable and competent. Need I say more?

12. Laughing. I love funny people and things and I LOVE when people think I'm funny. Because I am. But it makes me happy.  

13. My nieces and nephew.  I love having tiny people that adore me so much and miss me.  It's so nice knowing that there are people that look up to me (no pun intended) and a good reminder to always do the right thing so that I am worthy of it.

14. Trials. Boy have I had trials this last year.  But without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.  I'm grateful for a Father that knows where to push me to prepare me and strengthen me for future challenges.

15. The priesthood.  I love knowing that if I ever need extra help or a blessing, there will always be someone near by that can give me a priesthood blessing.  I also love guys that respect and honor that power and genuinely realize how important and special it is!

16. Mountains. I just can't get over how great the mountains are.  People in Florida will never fully realize how awesome it is to just look out your window and see massive mountains just sitting there.  They are so beautiful and such an awesome reminder that this world really was created for us.

17. Accents and dialects.  After studying this for the past two weeks, I can't help but listen on all of my calls at work to the accents and dialects people have and use.  It's so interesting and curious how and why people speak the way they do.  Pretty cool :)

18. Daisies, dahlias, and zinnias.  Look them up on Google images. Then you'll know.

19. Comfortable pillows.  I am so grateful for comfy pillows.  They just make sleeping so nice.

20. Life.  I am now working on my third decade of life.  So many things have happened and there are so many more things that will happen.  I want to live every day to the fullest, not because of that YOLO garbage ("You only live once" for you old people) but because I don't want to have any regrets in this life.  I want to have fantastic memories and experiences that I can share with my children and I want to make every single day count.

21.  The Gospel.  So much of my life has changed in regards to the Gospel.  I love this Church and the truth I have in my life. I love that God has a purpose for me and that I have the opportunity to be His hands.  I love that this life isn't the end and that I will have my loved ones forever.  I genuinely love the plan that has been set for us and the path that was laid before us.  I also love my Savior and all that He did to make it possible for us to follow Him without any guessing games or dead ends.  I love it all.

There are my 21 things for my 21 years.  I hope to always be happy and thankful enough that coming up with one thing for each increasing year never becomes a challenge!

Oh the irony.

My mom sent this to me today.  I find it seriously ironic since I say in there "Never write anything you don't want someone else to read," and here it is being read by the very person who told me that.  But anyways.  I guess I wrote this when I was ten.  That was more than half my life ago now!  Weird! I was cute.  And stinkin' smart if I do say so myself, besides some of my spelling at least ;)

Stranded

The picture right before the bright idea is where I'm at.  Or at least hopefully I've come that far...

What lime is this?

This past month has been really good.  I've still been stressed because of normal college student-working-in-the-summer stuff, but my heart has been so much lighter this last 4 weeks.  


So what's been going on?


First off, I've been able to let go of so much anger against certain people.  With that gone, I have been able to feel more like me again, which is very nice.


Secondly, I have gone on a couple dates.  Some ok, some pretty good, and that has definitely been nice.  It's crazy how not going on dates makes you not feel like a girl anymore, but as soon as you do, your girliness comes back full fledged. And I like being a girl ;) 


Besides that, I've just been working and working.  I have two jobs right now.  One is at Lane Bryant at the mall.  I only work like 6-10 hours there though so my other job is at this call center type place working 25 hours a week.  Both are minimum wage but I'm grateful that I not only have a job, but have two jobs.  Money has been really tight recently but I wouldn't really expect it to be any other way!


The only thing that has been bothering me is wanting to go home so badly.  I miss my family a lot and my house.  And the beach.  And swimming pools.  And my parents.  And my friends.  And just home pretty much!  It costs about $350 to get there though, so that probably won't be happening, sadly.


To not focus on me anymore, LAUREN'S ENGAGED! And as we have learned, you can't spell engaged without gag.  But that's not the point.  This last week Mama Smith was here and it was so nice to have a mommy here!  She cooked for us and took care of us and it was just so nice!  We went wedding dress shopping and found Lauren a really beautiful dress!  We've been talking about colors and themes and ideas so much lately, I feel like I could plan my wedding in five minutes.  Just kidding.  But we have been talking about wedding stuff non-stop and it's been really fun, but really scary and weird!  We just seem too young to be getting married all of a sudden haha But I really am happy for them and can't wait to see everything come together and see my best friend married for time and all eternity!


That pretty much sums up my life right now.  Crazy yet simple and totally fun and unexpected!  

The Sacrament, Atonement, and Forgiveness.

There has been something on my mind a lot lately, and that is forgiveness.  Today I realized that even though it wasn't something I knelt and prayed about, it was a prayer I had in my heart and it was a prayer I had answered today.


For the most part, I forgive quickly.  But there is one case in my life that has been almost impossible for me to entirely get over.


Today, we not only heard a wonderful talk about forgiveness, but we heard about the Atonement and how to better appreciate the sacrament.  I hadn't really thought about the fact that until I could forgive, I could never fully accept the atonement into my own life.


One person has wronged me more than anyone I've ever known.  But I cause more harm to Christ than anyone could ever imagine doing to me.  It was for my sins (all of ours really, but that's not the point I'm making...) that my Savior bled from every pore.  I have brought this pain upon Him even with having an understanding of what He did for me.  I have knowingly sinned.  Not with intent to cause Him pain, but it has happened all the same.  He not only still took on my sins, but He felt every pain I've ever felt, including this one.


This thought came to me strongly as we were told the story of the two debtors, one whose debt was great and the other not so great.  The man with higher debt was forgiven but refused to forgive the man who owed him.


This was me.  I was the debtor that owed so much to my Lord yet refused to forgive the person who had wronged me.  I having been sitting and waiting for an apology when I didn't even deserve one because I was in the wrong so much more.


While it's still something I'm trying so hard to work on, I suddenly have such clearer thoughts as to the direction I need to move and so much more mercy in my soul.


I have truly been humbled and hope that I can show the mercy that my Savior shows me on a daily basis.  


This was a Sabbath day that has reminded me of my Father's love for me, as imperfect as I am, and that He is aware of me and my needs, even if I don't formally get down on my knees and tell Him.

Also

the one day I go to the Cannon Center - the first time I go to the Cannon Center - and give myself permission to grub out to make it worth the money...


I see a guy I have a slight crush on. 


Just my luck.

Sad.

But true.