Day 30-A Picture (or three...)

My three favorite "Castles" :]

Day 29-Wishes

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep.

In dreams you lose your heartaches,

Whatever you wish for, you keep.

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through.

No matter how your heart is grieving,

If you keep on believing,

the dream that you wish will come true.

If that was completely true, I have some weeeeird wishes.  But really.  

When it comes to the wishes that are made at 11:11, 12:34, 1:23, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc, and shooting stars (or meteor showers... Same thing ;]) I always make the same wish.  

Wanna know what it is?

Too bad.  Because if I tell you it won't come true!  Let's just say in concerns a certain someone (not myself) and a certain something happening before a certain time (I always get specific so I don't have a "I didn't mean 5 years from now" moment).  

That's all you're getting out of me!

As for real wishes, though, I have a few I can share.

I wish there would be a guy who likes me enough (or has courage enough, I guess) to not only ask me on a date, but ask me on a second date.  I've never been asked on a second date (pitiful, I know).

I wish I had the abilities and willpower enough to actually study.  Since I never had to in high school, I don't really know how to too well now.

I wish I could be the example I need to be better and more often.  I am terrified that I might do something, anything, that sets a bad example for myself, my family, or the Church/Gospel.

I wish I could help everyone I see struggling.  It kills me to be helpless, especially with my family, but with my friends and strangers as well.  Although it sounds lame and cliche, my heart really does ache when someone needs my help and I can do nothing.

I wish I could become (or know what exactly I need to work on) the woman I'm supposed to be so that I can be a good wife and mother.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person, or different.  There are days where it's hard being yourself, but then I'm glad I'm me, faults and all.  I know I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to become perfect (not in a snooty way).  I know I mess up, but I don't mess up on purpose, and I hope/wish that people know that and can still love me for who I am, not who they/I want me to be.

Day 28-Something that stresses me out

Boys. School. My future. I think the perfect summary is: Life.


I don't get too stressed out over any of it, typically.  Every so often, though, everything piles up and I get a little overwhelmed.  That hasn't really happened a whole lot in college, luckily.  My tear ducts have dried up quite a bit after living in the desert for a while (haha) and I only cried from sheer stress a few times.  Mostly it was due to Italian or Grammar.  


Boys (usually just one, really) stress me out just because I don't know what I'm doing.  Since I didn't date before I was 16, and even then I didn't date, I have no experience and don't know how to flirt with guys I actually like and don't know how to read them at all!  I am glad I waited until I was 16, though.  Don't get me wrong!  I am pretty sure that even if I hadn't waited the results would still be the same.  Some line of kinship could be traced to 99.9% of the guys that were over 6'.  Especially if they were LDS.  So, yeah, that kinda put a damper on things. 


Anyways... Back to stress.  School kills me because at Polk State College, I was the smartest kid.  Well, not the smartest, but one of the top 15 for sure.  Being out at BYU means I am no longer the smartest.  Not even close to being the smartest.  Comparing PSC smart to BYU smart is like comparing a gold fish to a grizzly bear.  Seriously.  And now, (wow this pun is convenient) I am a fish out of water (I am amazing... I just made a double pun although few to none will catch the second one.).


As for my future, I know on broad terms what to expect out of my future.  I want to get married and have  children.  Depending on my ability to be a stay at home mom, I would really love to do that, and possibly still get to do editing from home.  But, unlike boys, I can't just look at the end result and be complacent with it just happening eventually.  I need some sort of control.  I don't want to mess up with something and ruin all of it on accident and I don't want to disappoint anyone along the way.  So it kinda stresses me out.


I guess this is what makes life interesting, though.  You never really know what's going to happen so you get stressed, but the relief that comes when it all works out and you can be happy and confident makes it all worth it.

Day 27-Pets

Since I don't have pictures of all of my pets that I've had, I'll just make a list and post pics when I can :]


1: Muffin.  He was a chocolate lab.  I barely remember him, and I don't even know if that was his real name, I just know that's what I named him.  We only had him like two weeks.  Then my mom gave him to some guy taking a walk down our street.


2: Nameless Hamster.  He/She committed suicide.  Long story.  Ask me if you really wanna know ;]


3: Chickendoodie.  This was my pet parakeet.  It was psychotic and flew into an electrical outlet...


4: Rufus.  He was a beagle.  He was really fat, but cute, and sounded like a walrus when he barked.  He ran away a lot but always came back... Until the last time he ran away...


5: Abby.  She's a toy poodle and my favorite pet by far.  I love her so much even though we no longer have her.  If you don't know what happened to her, there's a really long blog post about it!

6: Sam.  He's a morkie (maltese-yorkie) and completely psychotic.  He's 6 months old and full of energy.  As I write this, he's running around in circles, growling at something, and stops to "attack" and slightly bark at something every so often.  He's cute but kinda annoying sometimes.  At least he's cute!

He's waaaay bigger now and has more brown around his face and gray on his legs and belly, but he's still this cute!

Day 26-A Picture of my Family

I've already posted the only pictures of my entire family together (see Day 5), so I had to do some real digging... 

And apparently I don't have any pictures on my computer with Ashley or Landon... Weird.

Day 25-Music

For today's post, I have to put my iPod on shuffle and put the first ten songs that pop up... So here we go!


1: Be My Escape - Relient K
2: 23 - Jimmy Eat World
3: It's Clear - Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband
4: Bartender - Regina Spektor
5: Super Rad - The Aquabats
6: So Happy Together - The Turtles
7: What is This Feeling? - Wicked
8: Where I Stood - Missy Higgins
9: Why Does it Always Rain on Me? - Travis
10: On the Wing - Owl City


This is a very eclectic mix, if I do say so myself...

Day 24-Something I've Learned

I think the biggest thing I've learned, in just the last 6 months, really, is who I am.  Being out at school has really helped me discover who I am as a person in the world and where I fit in with other people.  I have come to know myself and what I'm ready for as well as what roles I'm ready to play.  I have also learned that I'm not quite as mature as I once thought I was (in terms of marriage and careers).  

Soooo much.

First off: Day 23-Favorite Vacation


I haven't been on very many vacations so I'm not really sure which my favorite is.  I think the only place I've really been is Tennessee.  I've been there a few times, enough to know my way kinda around Clarksville.  There are a lot of good memories there and it's where I got to grow close to my sister and get to know my silly, wonderful nieces (and nephew).  It's also where I ran my first 5k!


Now, on to Christmas!  It was kinda really depressing at our family Christmas party tonight!  None of my siblings got to come home, my Papa is in the hospital, and Granny spent the night with him there.  It was rough.  I've never had a Christmas without at least one of my brothers or sisters.  Ever.  Tomorrow (today) will be interesting without them here.  It was also really really depressing to not have Granny.  Christmas Eve is her birthday and we always celebrate her birthday during the Christmas program we do.  Most of the family didn't show up to the party either so it was kinda sad.  It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me.  Plus it's not very cold, so that doesn't help.


Even though Granny wasn't there, we still kept up the tradition and read Grandpa Told Me.  This poem has been in our family for over 100 years!  My Gran Gran (great grandmother) memorized it when she was 3 years old as her sister, who was exactly three years older, was trying to learn it for school.  Ever since that Christmas, it has been told to my family every year on Christmas Eve.  It made me sad to read it without Granny there, but I'm glad we still kept it going.

Grandpa Told Me

Grandpa told me all about the old time Christmases he had

When he was but six or eight, just a teeny weeny lad.

Said they didn't have much candy nor not very many toys

but I'll bet he had a good time with those little girls and boys.

Christmas Eve he'd hang his stocking by the old time chimney place,

then he'd scamper up the stairway, crawl in bed and hide his face.

For he knew ole Santa wouldn't bring his reindeer o'er the snow

if a little boy could see him, everybody told him so.

Then next morning how he'd hurry down to see the things he had,

Things Santa Claus had brought him just to make a wee boy glad.

In those days, Santa didn't carry in his shoulder pack

Nice toys like my little train that runs along a little track.

Maybe there'd be a little sheep on wheels painted white

or a little tin bank that would hold his pennies tight.

Or a little pair of mittens, a pretty new pair, too,

That would keep him warm and cozy while the winds of winter blew.

Then they'd have the family dinner, all the relatives would meet.

Uncles, aunts, and lots of cousins with such good things there to eat.

In the evening there were walnuts, hickory nuts and apples red.

Then the kids would wrap up warm and slide down hill on Grandpa's sled.

Then there was the old melodeon that was played by Auntie Sue.

Little pedals worked the bellows that were old and leaky, too.

"Shall We Gather at the River" they would sing and "Happy Day".

Then they'd bow their heads in silence while my Grandpa's pa would pray.

Then he'd get the children 'round him, so all of them could hear.

Then he'd tell of Jesus' birthday that we celebrate each year,

Tell the story of the wise men and the star that led them on,

How they found him in a manger, God's own well Beloved Son.

Oh, how Grandpa's eyes would sparkle as he told of long ago,

when his hair was curly golden, though it's now as white as snow.

Day 22-Favorite City

I think as of right now, Provo, UT is my favorite city.  Yeah, Winter Haven is where I was raised and all of my childhood memories are attached to this town and this house, but Provo is where I became me.


Florida, I have discovered, kinda sucks my identity out of me.  I was sitting in my room the other day just thinking and for the life of me, I couldn't remember who I was.  Obviously I could remember the superficial stuff, but I couldn't remember who I was. It was weird.  In Provo, I know who I am.  My role in the world is so much clearer to me there.  


Maybe it's because there, I'm an adult.  Here, I'm a kid (don't be offended, mom!  I mean that in the best way possible!) but out West, I have to make it on my own and rely on myself so much more.


I've grown into a real person out there.  I've made friendships and memories that will last forever.  I've found tall, Mormon boys that aren't related to me!


Provo is a magical place.

Day 21-A Picture of Me :]

This was my favorite summer.

Sometimes I miss being "almost 16".

If it Kills Me

Hello, tell me you know

Yeah, you figured me out,

Something gave it away.

It would be such a beautiful moment

To see the look on your face

To know that I know that you know now.

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking,

You know nothing.

Well you and I,

Why, we go carrying on for hours on end

We get along much better

Than you and your (girl)friend!

Well all I really wanna do is love you

A kind much closer than friends use

But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me,

As the feeling inside keeps building

And I will find a way to you if it kills me,

If it kills me.

How long, can I go on like this,

Wishing to kiss you,

Before I rightly explode?

This double life I lead isn't healthy for me,

In fact it makes me nervous.

If I get caught I could be risking it all

Cause maybe there's a lot that I miss

In case I'm wrong.

If I should be so bold,

I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand.

I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your (wo)man,

But I never said a word.

I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again.

All I really wanna do is love you,

A kind much closer than friends use,

But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

And all I really want from you is to feel me,

As the feeling inside keeps building

And I will find a way to you if it kills me

If it kills me

If it kills me!

I think it might kill me!

And all I really want from you is to feel me,

Yeah, the feeling inside keeps building.

I'll find a way to you if it kills me,

If it kills me,

It might kill me!

Day 20-Nicknames

I haven't really had any nicknames since middle school, but here are some of the names I've been called in the past.


Brooklyn
Brooles
Brookles
Brookles Brookles in the Bathtubbles (thank you, Trevor.)
Giraffe girl
Giant Mormon
Amelia
Brookizzles
Brookie


I think that's it...

Stupid Doctor.

I love going to the doctor and paying to get something fixed just to have him fiddle around and say, "Nothing's wrong," and then be in worse shape than I was before.


Love it.

Day 19-Something I Miss

I miss the old days.

Although the new aaaare pretty good...

Day 18-Something you regret

My only regret in life is that I'll never have a dog...


Just kidding.  I have one and he's psychotic.


So there aren't too many things I regret.  I usually am okay with things that happen because I know there's a reason for everything.  I think I only have one regret, and it's not super specific.


I think the only thing I really regret is not always being the example I should have been to my friends and people I'm around.  I'm not always as nice or positive or faithful or whatever as I should be and I regret having opportunities where I could have helped someone or been an example pass me by.

Things I've Missed

My friends
My family
Checkers
Not doing laundry
Not cooking
Sam-kinda.
Sleeping in
Classy people at Denny's that get in fights and call each other old and skanks
Denny's period.
Screaming children at church
Publix
People at church that I grew up with
My car
My big bed
A room to myself
A shower head that I don't have to squat to be fully under
Tall toilets
A full-sized house
Classy people (aka rednecks)

Day 17-Something I look forward to

There are lots of things that I look forward to, so I'll make a list!


Seeing friends and family here at home that I haven't seen yet
Christmas
New Years
Seeing my Utah friends again (I miss them!)
Having a boyfriend (ha)
Finding the guy I'm meant to marry
Having kids/a family
Getting old with my husband

Day 16-Dream House

I don't exactly have everything planned out, but I do know basically what I want.  I reeeeally want a blue house (not dark, kinda like the shade of my text...) with a yellow door.  I know that sounds weird, but I have seen it a couple of times and it's SO pretty!  




That's all I know, though.

Already.

It's been less than a day and I already miss everyone.  


How am I gonna go three weeks?

Day 15-Bible verse

Have not I commanded thee? 

Be strong and of a good courage; 

be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: 

for the Lord thy God is with thee 

whithersoever thou goest.

-Joshua 1:9

Day 14-A picture you love

Don't judge me!  I've had finals and cleaning checks and packing to worry about so I've gotten a little behind but I promise to get caught up and be better over break!!!

Yep. That's all I've got to say.

Day 13-Goals

I have a lot of goals but I'll just post some of them :]


1: Be date-able (haha)
2: Not totally destroy my college GPA
3: Graduate with a degree in English Language/Editing
4: Get married in the Temple
5: Have children
6: Get a job editing novels :]
7: Be a good mother
8: Teach my children correct principles
9: Be a good wife
10: Learn to cook
11: Be a good example to people around me
12: Serve a senior mission

Day 12-What I believe

I am awesome.


Just kidding.

I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and of His influence in my life.  I know more than anything that I have a loving Heavenly Father that guides me and blesses my life.  I have a testimony of the Holy Ghost and of the quiet guidance in my life.  I know that Joseph Smith, Jr. was a true prophet of the Lord and that through the Lord's help, he re-established His church on the earth and translated the Book of Mormon.  I have such a strong testimony of that book, along with the Bible, as well as this Gospel.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves me so much and that my Savior atoned for my sins along with everyone else.  I know that through Him, and only by following Him, we can return to our Heavenly Father to live for eternity. 

I have a testimony of family and our ability to be sealed together forever in a temple of the Lord.  I am so blessed to have the family I have and to know that I will be with them forever.  I am so grateful that my parents raised me with this knowledge and set a good example for me.  

I know that no matter how hard or bad things may seem, we will never be given anything we can't handle.  I know that every trial comes with blessings, even if we can't see them right away.  I believe that through faith, works, and grace we can do what we need to to be redeemed.  I know that I have been incredibly blessed to have the life I have and to have the knowledge that I do. 

I know that Jesus is my savior and that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet, seer, and revelator.  I have such a strong testimony of this.  I know that Christ's church has been restored to its fullness in the latter-days.  I know this better than I know anything else!

If you have any further questions, feel free to ask :]

Day 11-Favorite tv shows

I don't watch a whole lot of tv, but if I do watch, these are the shows I love :]

Day 10-Something I'm afraid of...

That's easy.

Heights.

So much joy :]

The past week has just been so good.  Even though some really really terrible stuff has happened, I have been so blessed to be able to have joy surrounding trials.


To begin, last Saturday I went on a double date with Eric, Cindy, and Kraig.  We went snowshoeing and it was SO much fun! I was really scared at first because everyone had told me it was ridiculously hard and that I would be mega sore afterwards... They were wrong.  We went to Vivian Park and hiked (it really wasn't steep like at all) on a trail.  There was just enough snow to need the shoes but not too much!  We had nice conversations, snowball fights, made snow-blob children, and attempted to make snow angels.  It was really a lot of fun!


Then this week was perty good too!  Parts of it were kinda really crappy but Wednesday and the weekend made up for anything terrible that happened. 


Wednesday, one of Justin's friends (surprising, right?! ;]) invited us to go do laser tag with him and a couple other guys so Justin, Cindy and I skipped out on studying and went!  The first round, 6 of us played against another group of 6 (and 4 high people joined in at some point) and it was kinda freaky and not tooo much fun!  I, however, was AMAZING and came in 4th out of 16!  Then we played another round with just the six of us and it was SO SO SO much fun!  We were running around (even though that was against the rules) and getting crazy and having a blast!  I ended up coming in 2nd!  Yep.  I'm flipping AMAZING!


Then there was this weekend :]


It started this morning with the most epic date challenge ever!  Eric, me, Lauren, Justin, Erika, Matt, Sarah, Matthew, Cindy and Logan (Erika's co-worker) did a massive group date and did little competitions with each other.  We had activities like "stick your foot in a bucket of spaghetti and ice and fish out a toy dinosaur", "find a safety pin in a bunch of uncooked rice while blindfolded", "spin around while being wrapped in toilet paper and then run and jump over a broom", "carve a garden gnome out of a potato", "run with bulky gloves on and open/eat a Hershey kiss", and croquet.  Yeah.  It was epic. 


The only downside was that I totally ATE IT on a hill.  There is a really steep hill right behind my apartment and I was walking up it (carrying knives) when I commented about how much I hate that hill.  As soon I said it, I slipped and landed ridiculously hard on my rear.  It was terrible.  Funny, but terrible.


Then tonight, our FHE group went to Temple Square in Salt Lake City.  It was so much fun and really gorgeous.  It was really spiritual, too, and a really amazing way to get into the Christmas spirit!  After we walked around for a while, we went to Thomas's family's house.  They had made us dinner and so we ate and sat around and talked.  It made me realize a lot more how much I miss my family but it was a really great way to spend time with my "family".


It has really been a wonderful week and even though some really awful stuff has happened, I know that the Lord has a plan for all of us and will find a way to for us to be happy no matter what!  I love my friends and family so very much and I have really been blessed with a lot!  


This, overall, has just been a really good week :]

I want a boy to sing this to me.

I hold my breath and watch you step, slowly tiptoe.

Your hair is up in tails you don'­t try and you are beautiful.

And we can walk to better streets and houses we won't buy

And find a way inside. You know you'­re beautiful.

I am not afraid to cry if you find that endearing.

Everything is clear to me. I love when you are near me.

Brown eyes, lay your head down

We're all alone right now, my love.

I kiss your mouth

And taste the ocean.

Everything gets better when you're around.

To walk this life with you along beside is all I need.

I do everything I can so you can see I'm what you need. 

You laugh at me and you are beautiful.

Day 8-A place I've traveled to

Yeaaah so I'm kinda lame and really haven't traveled anywhere besides like Tennessee and Wyoming and I don't have pictures of that really so I'm going to be semi-lame and say...

Bridal Veil Falls

We came here on my birthday and it was lots of fun and very pretty!  There used to be a restaurant at the top and little shops at the bottom but an avalanche wiped it out a few years ago so now there's just a bunch of ruins.  I think all of the abandoned buildings just kinda adds to the awesomeness though!

Day 7-Favorite Movies

and more.