Day 28-Something that stresses me out

Boys. School. My future. I think the perfect summary is: Life.


I don't get too stressed out over any of it, typically.  Every so often, though, everything piles up and I get a little overwhelmed.  That hasn't really happened a whole lot in college, luckily.  My tear ducts have dried up quite a bit after living in the desert for a while (haha) and I only cried from sheer stress a few times.  Mostly it was due to Italian or Grammar.  


Boys (usually just one, really) stress me out just because I don't know what I'm doing.  Since I didn't date before I was 16, and even then I didn't date, I have no experience and don't know how to flirt with guys I actually like and don't know how to read them at all!  I am glad I waited until I was 16, though.  Don't get me wrong!  I am pretty sure that even if I hadn't waited the results would still be the same.  Some line of kinship could be traced to 99.9% of the guys that were over 6'.  Especially if they were LDS.  So, yeah, that kinda put a damper on things. 


Anyways... Back to stress.  School kills me because at Polk State College, I was the smartest kid.  Well, not the smartest, but one of the top 15 for sure.  Being out at BYU means I am no longer the smartest.  Not even close to being the smartest.  Comparing PSC smart to BYU smart is like comparing a gold fish to a grizzly bear.  Seriously.  And now, (wow this pun is convenient) I am a fish out of water (I am amazing... I just made a double pun although few to none will catch the second one.).


As for my future, I know on broad terms what to expect out of my future.  I want to get married and have  children.  Depending on my ability to be a stay at home mom, I would really love to do that, and possibly still get to do editing from home.  But, unlike boys, I can't just look at the end result and be complacent with it just happening eventually.  I need some sort of control.  I don't want to mess up with something and ruin all of it on accident and I don't want to disappoint anyone along the way.  So it kinda stresses me out.


I guess this is what makes life interesting, though.  You never really know what's going to happen so you get stressed, but the relief that comes when it all works out and you can be happy and confident makes it all worth it.