A Three-Fold Message

I have three things I wanna say.  Some things are a rant and some are just musings.  It won't be too hard to differentiate.


1.  The English language is so strange.  Why do we greet each other with things like "Morning,"  "Afternoon,"  and "Evening?"  While I realize these are shortened versions of the original phrases, why don't we ever realize how silly we sound?  We're basically stating what time of day it is.  We're not actually saying hello or goodbye, we're just stating the obvious.  It's just odd to me.  Just odd.


2.  I just finished reading a book called "Where I Belong."  It's LDS fiction and it was really good.  There was romance, which is always good when you're lame and single haha, but there was a really good lesson as well.  It taught that sometimes it's terrifying to live life the way you're supposed to when it means possibly giving up on your life's goals completely but that if you have complete and utter faith in the Lord's plan for you and hold tight to the rod, you will be enriched and obtain a greater fulfillment than you ever could have on your own.  It's kinda like that trust game where you fall backwards and hope someone catches you, except you're jumping from some unknown building with an unknown height.  Blindfolded.  You have to have greater faith than you think is possible.


For me right now, that faith is concerning death.  It's kinda morbid, I know, but for some reason it has just terrified me recently.  It's kinda like... what if everything I've believe my entire life is wrong?  What if there is nothing after this life?  It's scary.  The only way to describe how I feel when I think about it is like this:  Take a deep breath.  Don't let it out but hold it in.  Indefinitely.  Feel that panic setting in?  Even though mentally you know that all you have to do is exhale and inhale again and you're fine, your body's natural instinct is to panic because it's not getting what is vital to survive.  


That panic is kinda what I feel when I think about death.  Mentally, I know that all I have to do when that time comes is let go, and I will be greeted on the other side of the darkness by something much greater than this world.  I just have to let go and take it in; I'll be alright and even better than before.  Part of me, though - and I'm not sure if it's physical or just another mental part - panics.  Maybe it's survival instincts.  Maybe it's Satan testing my faith and scaring me away from the Gospel (yeah I know it doesn't make sense, but when does he make sense?).  I know I'm young and have nothing to worry about.  I have faith, especially because of my Patriarchal blessing, that I will live a long life.  It still brings a paralyzing fear about inside some part of me, though.  I think once I've actually done something with my life worth being proud of, this fear will subside a bit.  I still have a lot of living left to do ;]


3.  Why is it that girls, and guys I guess, who don't really follow the guidelines of the Church, can get into BYU but people who try so hard to be the best they can be and follow every commandment to the best of their ability can't.  There's one person in particular that I'm thinking about.  She dresses immodestly, does things that there's no gray area excuse for (like drink alcohol), and then some.  It just disgusts me.  Especially because there's no way this person's Bishop doesn't know about it.  No way.  It's all over Facebook.  Yeah, I shouldn't be judging.  Yeah, maybe this person neeeeds to be at BYU.  But still.  It just irks me because this person doesn't deserve to be honored with being a BYU student.  At all.  Ugh.

Wow.

So today I was very very sick.  I was scheduled to work and there was no way I could call in sick since today is Lowe's biggest selling day of the year and they need every cashier to be working.  Because it was actually hot for once today, I was in a never-ending state of clamminess and just felt awful.  A little while into my shift, I was approached by Ed.  Yes.  His name is Ed.  Ed looks a little like this.  Just with shorter hair and a baseball cap.  

This is the conversation Ed and I had today:

I hear you're interested in a boyfriend.
What?
You interested?
In what? (I was verrrrry confused. I thought he was selling me a car.)
Do you want to be my girlfriend?
What? (Again. I was sick and had no freaking clue what he was talking about.)
Are you interested in starting a relationship?

Uhm what?

You know. Like dating. Are you interesting in beginning a relationship?

Uhmmm well actually I'm only here for a couple months and I'm not really interested in dating anyone... 

Blank stare

Because I'm not from here... I'm just here for my summer break from school... And I'm not planning on coming back here... But thanks for asking...

Is this what my life has come to? Good gravy.

Bruised

So read your books, 

but stay out late

some nights, some nights...

Dear Jack's Mannequin,

I would really love to do what you're asking of me, there's just one little problem.

I have no friends.














P.S.  The library is already closed.

Untitled.

This post is untitled for one very BIG reason.  There is no title that can ever be good enough for the topic of this blog post.


Yes, I know it's a little late, but my summer has been kinda insane since before it even began.


I miss school.  I miss my friends.  I miss being so exhausted at the end of the day that I was out within two minutes of closing my eyes.  I miss the people that I met.  I can't believe that something as minor as the decision of what apartment to live in changed my life so completely.  


This part of the blog is where I'm going to do something very unoriginal.  I'm going to make a list of people, some will have attached pictures, that I am so very grateful I was blessed to meet.  For the most part, if I hadn't decided to live in Wyview Park Building 24 Apartment 315, I wouldn't have known any of these people.


The order listed has nothing to do with favoritism, so don't get your panties in a wad.


1) Eric Fletcher Perry

You are the strangest, silliest, scariest driving, weird, random, awesome boy I have ever met.  When I try to even describe you on here and the things you did, I draw a blank.  Not because I can't think of anything, but because there simply are no words.  I was a major stick in the mud, and I kind of still am, but for the most part, you helped me change.  You were so wacky that it made it easy for me to be silly and not look weird - at least compared to you ;]  I miss you a lot and it makes me so sad to know I'll be graduated by the time you're home from your mission.  You'll be great and the people from Japan will ADORE you, but I'll still miss you!


2) Matthew Kirkham

I miss you.  There just aren't words.  You were the best husband, even if we were really just adulterous swingers, I could have ever asked to have.  Especially for my freshman year at BYU.  You are so strong and incredible.  Your blog leaves me smiling and so very proud of the man you are.  You're someone that will be in my life forever.  God truly gave me more blessings than I deserve by placing you in my life.  We broke so many rules together hahaha Only my journal is allowed to have them written down on... (Don't fret, Readers.  We didn't break the Honor Code... Well... Mostly... ;])  I can't wait to be able to hug you again!  That was the most painful goodbye before you left on your mission.  Luckily it's not the end :]


3) John and Matt Bohman, Thomas Hansen, Rees Atkins, and Brett Maughan
This part is equal for each of you.  I love you boys so very much.  I know none of you will ever read this because you don't read my blog, but that's ok.  I hope any sons that I'm given are a wonderful mixture of all of you guys.  You are such wonderful boys (I sound like a grandma.) .  You are all so kind and loving and supportive.  Most of you guys saw me at my worst, gave me blessings, and helped me laugh even though I was bawling.  You all let me be a girl and lean on you when I wasn't strong enough to carry myself.  And I mean that literally.  I will never forget any of you.


4) Elizabeth Dalton

You were the best roommate I could have been given this semester.  You are so great and after telling me your story, I respect you and love you so much!  I can't wait to see you again in the fall!  You are so strong and beautiful.  You have such an awesome testimony.  Don't let anyone or anything let you believe otherwise.  I hope that someday I'm as amazing as you!  I wish I could have had all year with you instead of just one semester!


5) Dallin Solomon

This is literally the only picture of the two of us.  Pathetic.  But fitting.  Dallin, hunny, there are no words.  I love you SO much.  I just want to cradle you in my bosom forever.  It was so hard to say goodbye to you.  I know we didn't get to do a whole lot of stuff together, but what we did do was enough to show me how much I care about you.  I would seriously do anything in my power for you.  Like for reals.  I miss you :[


6) Lauren Smith

You are the person I miss the most.  Sorry if that offends anyone.  You are one of my absolute very best friends.  I can't believe it took us 19 years to finally get to meet each other.  How have we survived all of this time without each other?  You are so dear to me and my very favorite leezbeen partner (that sounds bad.  Oh well.)  I know you will really be in my life forever.  When we're 92, we'll be sitting in some parking lot saying "What do you wanna do?  I don't know.  What do you want to do?"  Some things never change.  One of those things is our friendship.  Even though I can feel that something big is gonna happen in the next year or so and our proximity to each other may not always be as close as it will be living with each other next year... You will always be close to my heart.  Nothing can change that.  Not even silly boys ;]


7) Katie Kesler

Calm down everyone.  Just hear me out.  You'll never read this and I know we didn't see eye to eye and we didn't really like each other, but I'm glad I met you.  You were the root of one of the biggest trials and blessings I've had this year.  Living with you was hard.  I'm not going to deny that.  But living with you taught me a few things. I learned so much of our Heavenly Father's love from living with you.  I had to grow and mature so much to survive that semester.  Surprisingly, I didn't cry as much as I would think, but living with you drained me.  I do love you though.  I'm sad that you have so many trials in your life and that you weren't able to fully experience life at BYU.  I wish more than anything that one day, you will be able to experience the joy of life that I have been blessed with.  I know that Heavenly Father loves you and, even though life with you was hard, I love you too.


There is a follow-up blog that I need to post too, but it's not coming right now.  Something has been tugging at me for so long to write this post but I just haven't had time.  


There are many more people I met this year that I didn't blog about.  Even if you aren't on here, know I love you and that you are part of what made my year so incredible!  I have learned from all of the people I met this year and I hope that I was to at least some of you what you all have been for me!  

Nothing Better

How should I take it when an old lady in Wal-Mart says to my brother, "You can tell your sister personally, I think it's the prettiest thing for a girl who's tall and big to stand with her shoulders back." 


















.....Yeah.  My thoughts exactly.

Life is funny.

Just a heads up: this post is indeed about boys, but it's not about my patheticness, it's just pointing out the irony of life.


I haven't liked anyone basically all semester.  I haven't gone on any dates all semester.  I haven't even thought of schemes to get a guy to ask me on a date... I mean... I never did that to begin with... Yeah.


So here I am, at the very end of the semester, and I kinda actually like someone.  I mean, I guess in the back of my mind I've basically always had a little crush on them, but not really enough to count as a "crush".  Now I kinda do.  


Here are the qualities that make him awesome (these aren't the only ones.  I'm gonna sound shallow with these, but deal with it.):

He's 6'7".  Yeah. That's 3 1/2 inches taller than me.

He's VP of Tall Club.

He's really cute.

He's funny (Elizabeth would disagree).

He's 6'7".

He is a man. haha

Wanna see where the irony comes into play?


He's graduating.  Yeah.  I finally kinda like someone and they are graduating from college in a week and I will never see them again.  Awesome, no?


Life is funny.

Jeez Louise.

Ok.  So hopefully no creepers use this to track me down, but if I don't write it down, I may lose my mind.  So here goes!  (That sentence doesn't make any sense!  Why is that a saying we use? Whatever.)


Friday (today): Study, sell plasma, study.


Saturday: Work from 11-2 in the JSB (DEEEEATH!), take my Book of Mormon final


Sunday: Visit teach, church, cook, ward "eat everyone's leftover food" dinner, ward prayer


Monday: Usage final, Italian final (which I only have to get above a 40% on to keep my grade...)


Tuesday: Work from 7:45-11 in the testing center, study, pack


Wednesday: Hist. of Eng. Lang. final, work from 1:30-5 in the JSB


Thursday: Pack, work from 7-close in the testing center (superrrr deeeeeath!!!!)


Friday: Take everything to our storage place, cleaning check.


Saturday: FLY OUT!




Good grief.  I know my finals schedule has kinda really worked in my favor, but gosh.  The nightmares of running late to the airport and forgetting to pack stuff, or forgetting about leaving altogether have already begun!