A Three-Fold Message

I have three things I wanna say.  Some things are a rant and some are just musings.  It won't be too hard to differentiate.


1.  The English language is so strange.  Why do we greet each other with things like "Morning,"  "Afternoon,"  and "Evening?"  While I realize these are shortened versions of the original phrases, why don't we ever realize how silly we sound?  We're basically stating what time of day it is.  We're not actually saying hello or goodbye, we're just stating the obvious.  It's just odd to me.  Just odd.


2.  I just finished reading a book called "Where I Belong."  It's LDS fiction and it was really good.  There was romance, which is always good when you're lame and single haha, but there was a really good lesson as well.  It taught that sometimes it's terrifying to live life the way you're supposed to when it means possibly giving up on your life's goals completely but that if you have complete and utter faith in the Lord's plan for you and hold tight to the rod, you will be enriched and obtain a greater fulfillment than you ever could have on your own.  It's kinda like that trust game where you fall backwards and hope someone catches you, except you're jumping from some unknown building with an unknown height.  Blindfolded.  You have to have greater faith than you think is possible.


For me right now, that faith is concerning death.  It's kinda morbid, I know, but for some reason it has just terrified me recently.  It's kinda like... what if everything I've believe my entire life is wrong?  What if there is nothing after this life?  It's scary.  The only way to describe how I feel when I think about it is like this:  Take a deep breath.  Don't let it out but hold it in.  Indefinitely.  Feel that panic setting in?  Even though mentally you know that all you have to do is exhale and inhale again and you're fine, your body's natural instinct is to panic because it's not getting what is vital to survive.  


That panic is kinda what I feel when I think about death.  Mentally, I know that all I have to do when that time comes is let go, and I will be greeted on the other side of the darkness by something much greater than this world.  I just have to let go and take it in; I'll be alright and even better than before.  Part of me, though - and I'm not sure if it's physical or just another mental part - panics.  Maybe it's survival instincts.  Maybe it's Satan testing my faith and scaring me away from the Gospel (yeah I know it doesn't make sense, but when does he make sense?).  I know I'm young and have nothing to worry about.  I have faith, especially because of my Patriarchal blessing, that I will live a long life.  It still brings a paralyzing fear about inside some part of me, though.  I think once I've actually done something with my life worth being proud of, this fear will subside a bit.  I still have a lot of living left to do ;]


3.  Why is it that girls, and guys I guess, who don't really follow the guidelines of the Church, can get into BYU but people who try so hard to be the best they can be and follow every commandment to the best of their ability can't.  There's one person in particular that I'm thinking about.  She dresses immodestly, does things that there's no gray area excuse for (like drink alcohol), and then some.  It just disgusts me.  Especially because there's no way this person's Bishop doesn't know about it.  No way.  It's all over Facebook.  Yeah, I shouldn't be judging.  Yeah, maybe this person neeeeds to be at BYU.  But still.  It just irks me because this person doesn't deserve to be honored with being a BYU student.  At all.  Ugh.