The prettiest thing you'll see

Is the holly that will be on your own front door.


So true.  I am so excited to finally be going home.  This week has been so hard and I am exhausted - in every way possible.  I don't think I could have handled another week at school.  This week killed me. Here's a list why:


1: The morning of my Italian exam, I forgot everything Italian.
2: Work was just tiring.
3: I am just tired.
4: After working for four hours and just finishing my 5 page (not that long, I know. But still) research paper on high fructose corn syrup, my computer crashed and lost it.


#4 was the worst.  Needless to say, I cried a lot.  It was kinda the last straw.  The really sucky part was that right after, I had to go take my marriage prep test.  I needed to get a 91%.  I got an 89%.  The whole time, I just kept wanting to cry again.  In fact, I did on the way home. 


This morning I had to then get up at 5:30 (I went to bed at 12:30) to sell plasma before leaving for the airport.  They wouldn't let me.  I was so tired and done that I cried again even though it really wasn't that big of a deal.


I'm just so ready to be with my family and not worry about life for just a couple weeks.  Give my self a minute to catch up with my own life.  I promise to post a more optimistic, oh-happy-day post soon.  I just need to get some rest and stop being an emotion girl.  


Time to board my flight!  WOOHOO!

Happy Birthday, Dad

This isn't actually really totally about my dad, so don't get too bored already!  In five days, I will be going home.  I seriously cannot wait.  I haven't gotten to spend much time with my parents in a long time and I really miss them.  Don't let them know that, though, or it'll go to their heads and I'll never hear the end of it.  I do miss my family though.  It's kinda really sad that we haven't all been together in three years.  In fact, this is the second Christmas that I will be the only kid going home.  It's times like these that I'm so glad I'm sealed to my family, even if they drive me absolutely crazy sometimes!  


Anyways, this week is going to be nuts.  I have 5 finals, one paper, and will be working 20 hours.  They're basically the most inconvenient hours possible but considering I work for the testing center, someone has to be there to give other students the glorious opportunity to take their tests.


It seems the adversary is working really hard to make me feel down lately.  I must admit, this year hasn't been as great as last year.  It's kinda depressing to think that a year ago, I was spending my reading days trying to find time to hang out with all of my friends.  This year that's not really a problem.  Take that how you want.  School is hard, life is hard, and I miss my family.  It's so easy sometimes to just sit around and wallow in my own patheticness.  I think that's why I was asked to give a talk for today on seeking out Christ.  It really helped me see that I can find Him in all things and He will help me if I just ask Him to. 


I really like something I found for my talk that President Uchtdorf said.  He said that we are all given giant, wonderful portraits of Christ.  The portrait, however, is an intricate puzzle given to us piece by piece.  Sometimes we can't see how a piece fits into the whole but when we finally fit everything together, we can see that all along, Christ has been there with us all along.  


I feel like right now in my life I'm being given odd shaped pieces of my puzzle.  I never really liked puzzles to begin with - I always would do the edges and give up - and I am having a hard time seeing the big picture.  I know that one day, though, I'll be able to look back and not only see a glorious portrait of my Savior, but I'll see that all along He has been with me, carrying me when I could no longer move any farther.  That's such a good and encouraging thing to know.


As for my title, I am giving my dad myself as his Christmas present :)  Since I will technically not be home until Saturday (yay cruddy flights!) I will be getting home on his birthday!  So what better gift could I give him than having his favorite child home?


Anyways.  I should probably go back to studying instead of wasting my life away doing something I actually want to be doing.  Yayyyy schoooool...

I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
Income's breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive

The glow that the sun gives

Right around sunset

Helps me realize

This is just a journey

Drop your worries

You are gonna turn out fine.

Oh, you'll turn out fine.

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know its hard,

To remember sometimes,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Only rainbows after rain

The sun will always come again.

And its a circle, circling,

Around again, it comes around again.

You gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Remember

Last night, Lauren, Erika, and I had the chance to go see Lion King 3D in the dollar (except not ever a dollar) theater.  It was pretty cool to see it on the big screen and be in a theater full of 20-somethings watching a kid movie.  While I wasn't as freaky happy/emotional as Lauren was (it's her absolute favorite movie so I think it like made her life to see it.), there was one part that really got me.


No, it wasn't when Mufasa died.  While that part always made me cry as a kid, the part that brought tears to my eyes was when Simba was all grown up and talking to his father (in heaven).  Since I can't sum it up as great as it was, I'll just put the dialogue here.


Mufasa: Simba. 
Simba: Father? 
Mufasa: Simba, you have forgotten me. 
Simba: No. How could I? 
Mufasa: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life. 
Simba: How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be. 
Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember... 


What hit me wasn't what I heard with my ears, but what I heard with my heart.  There in that nasty, decrepit theater, I heard instead:



Brooke, you have forgotten me. You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Brooke. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place next to me. Remember who you are. You are my daughter, and true royalty. Remember... 


While I haven't forgotten my Father, I have forgotten who I am.  When we left the presence of our Heavenly Father, a veil covered our eyes.  We couldn't be tested and grow if we could remember our Father and who we are.  Satan (or Scar in this case) does everything to make us run from that heritage and steal away our full potential.  It is so easy to forget that we are truly sons and daughters of a king.  I am a daughter of God.  I am not just some nobody.  He is here inside each and every one of us.  All we have to do is look, really look, and we will see His image inside of us.  He loves us.  He hasn't forgotten us and will never stop watching over us.  We just need to remember Him and He will guide us.  


It meant so much more knowing that just last week, President Monson specifically chose that message, a quote from a Disney movie, to share with us BYU students in his devotional.  Now is such a difficult time to be alive.  There is so much turmoil and uncertainty all around us.  One thing is certain though.  We have a Father in Heaven.  He loves us and knows us and will always be with us.  It is never too late to turn around and return to Him and our heritage.  


All He asks of us is to remember.

It makes sense if you don't think about it...

But what if you do?!


Do you ever see a smiley face or something on Facebook and you think "What the heck is that supposed to be in real life?"


Well I do.


So I made this blog post.  Here is a list of smileys people do on Facebook that just don't make any sense to me.  Don't be offended if something you use is on here, I just personally don't get it.


Also, please forgive me for any severely unattractive faces.


1) XD
What is this?  I mean, I know what it is, but when does anybody actually make this face?!

2) ;(

The only thing I can imagine for this one is Popeye missing his pipe.

3) >_<

Is this the "If I close my eyes tight enough, whatever I am talking about will disappear" face?

4) :S

I must admit I've used this one a time or two, but how many times has anyone actually made that face in real life when they were worried?

5) ^_^

I feel like this is some sort of happy face but after recreating it, it doesn't work the same.

6) :P

Ok.  Anyone who knows me knows I HATE when people post pictures of themselves with their tongue out.  Therefore, I don't really like this one much.

7) :V

I don't even know.

8) :3

Once again, I seriously have no idea.

If I find more, I'll add them.  Don't worry ;) (One that actually makes sense!)

I'll see your em dash and raise you one more.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long.  Not that anyone has necessarily noticed. Life lately has been wonderful but so horribly incredibly difficult that I've had a hard time blogging.  I'm sick of sounding so negative in my posts but life just isn't as easy as it used to be.  Good and bad, though, I've decided to post an update of my life for anyone who cares to read but doesn't talk to me on a regular basis.


1) I changed my career path.  I've realized that I really don't like editing that much (at least copy editing) and I can't see myself doing it as a career and being happy.  I have decided to fast forward to what I really want to be: a literary agent.  In order to do that, I have to get a job as an assistant to one.  That means I need to get an internship as an assistant to one.


2) Internships are hard to find.  Lauren's family said we could stay with them in Maryland and commute to DC if we could find internships/jobs there. I emailed 10 agencies one night and... ONE EMAILED BACK!  Granted they only said maybe and asked to see my resume, but still.  That's a start.


3) Money sucks.  There's never enough but there's always a need.  Guess I should just quit my job and start protesting. ;)


4) I don't care about certain people one way or another anymore.  Honestly, they have pretty much just become another person in the world to me.  Kinda sad but it was their choice and I'm sick of letting it control me and my emotions.  I have enough emotions to deal with and I don't need that as one of them.


5) I asked someone on a date.  They said no.  Granted they had a pretty good excuse and began it with "I wish I could but" but still.  Rejections suck.


6) The shift I really wanted at work was given to someone else.  That means the most hours I can get next semester is like... 10 a week. So not good.


7) I applied to be a Writing Fellow.  While it pays more than my job, you only get 60 hours a semester.  Those 60 hours occur in two one-week waves known as "Hell week...s."  Part of me really wants it for the money and the "wow this looks really good on your resume" factor, but part of me is scared.  And unqualified.


8) I don't even know.  I'm so tired.  I just need a break.  Just over two weeks until I get to escape to southern Utah/Vegas for a few days.  HALLELUJAH!


9) I am so sick of writing.  By the end of tonight, I'll have written over 15 pages, completed essays in two languages, come up with a cover letter and resume, and edited about 16 pages written by 4 people. I'm so sick of reading and writing.  I'm dying.


10) I'm still trying really hard to live by this.  It hasn't gotten any easier.

Just kidding. But seriousy.

Just today that's really hard...

Thank you

Marriage Prep Readiness survey for reinforcing how pathetically single I am.

twenty for twenty

Since my teen years are totally and definitely over, I feel like I should do some sort of post to prove to myself that I have just wasted the last two decades of my life.  I have decided to make a list of things I'm grateful for and of what I've done to somehow be worthy of the time I've been given so far.


1) I am thankful for my trials.  If I didn't go through everything I've been through, I wouldn't be me and I wouldn't be worthy of being an adult for sure.


2) Volunteering at a soup kitchen and enjoying it.  It taught me how lucky I am and taught me to have more compassion for those in need.


3) Getting my AA before graduating high school was so wonderful and such a blessing because not only did I fulfill pretty much all of my GEs for free, I was able to really decide what I wanted to do before coming to BYU.


4) Getting into BYU.  I really didn't think I would and I know it was such a huge blessing for me.  I don't see how my life could be any better at another school.


5) My family.  I miss them a lot and I'm so grateful I've had the time that I've had with them.  Heavenly Father really knew who I needed and definitely guided my family in the best direction when we chose each other.


6) My friends.  While some of my friends have abandoned me, the best ones I could ask for are still by my side, literally and figuratively.  They make life easier to live and make each day a pleasure.


7) My injuries.  I've suffered MANY injuries but if I hadn't, I really wouldn't be me.  I mean common.  I'm meant to be clumsy.  That's part of why I'm so great!


8) Editing books.  It really fills me with joy and I know more than anything that it's what I want to do, besides raise a family of my own.  I'm thankful to know this, too, since many people my age still struggle with the choice of what to do!


9) Invisible Children is one organization that I am so happy I can say I've worked with.  They do so much good and help so many kids.  It made my high school experience so wonderful because instead of being selfish and doing my own thing, I was able to do something I enjoy while benefiting others.


10) Food for Thought.  While my project never made it far, my heart still wants to help kids who have no food for the weekend.  Maybe Erika will pick that as her project for her class and I can help and redeem myself some for failing ;)


11) Genealogy has become so important to me lately and I can feel my ancestors prodding at me to continue onward.  I know that I am the person that can seek them out and do their work and that's what I plan to do.


12) Financial security.  While this year hasn't been as secure as some years past, I know that Heavenly Father is training me for other things (like faith).  Things work out the way they do for a reason and I'm learning slowly to accept that.


13) My lack of boyfriend.  Yeah.  This one's a little far-fetched, I know, BUT I know it's because the Lord is preparing me and my future husband to be ready for each other.  While he is an abstract person right now, he won't always be and when he's not, I'll be ready :)


14) My future children.  I'm already grateful for them.  I'm in a marriage prep class and in it, we talk a lot about the children we'll one day have.  In order to have an eternal family, I have to create an eternal family.  So of course I am thankful for those that will come to me one day.


15) I'm taking a class to learn more about Joseph Smith because I want to know more about him and what he did for me to be where I am today.


16) I've technically broken my back (which hopefully will be getting fixed soon!!)


17) I'm being sued for $100,000.  Not too many people can say that...


18) I'm learning to forgive.  Last night in my Joseph Smith class we talked about how ready and willing Joseph Smith was to forgive and I'm trying to be like that.  When we talked about that, I was immediately able to forgive the one person in particular who has hurt me more than anyone ever has.  I'm over it now.


19) I pay for my own tuition, food, rent, car, and car insurance.  I think that's pretty cool.  Seriously.  That's not sarcasm.


20)  I've been blessed to be in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have a testimony of my Savior and Redeemer and of my Heavenly Father.  I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and restored Christ's church on the earth with His help.  I know he translated the Book of Mormon and that it is a true book, not just some made up stories.  I know that the prophets we have on the earth today are called of God and are true messengers of God.  I know that this Church is true.  I know that I have felt of the Spirit and it has testified of these things to me.  I know that through His Gospel, I can have eternal life and an eternal family.  I know all of these things are true more than anything else.  This alone, I feel, makes my last 20 years worth something.

Interesting.

Person one: "I'm at the end of all my troubles!"


Person two: "Yes, but which end?"




Kinda hard to phrase in a different way than I read it, but an interesting concept nonetheless. 

The Other Side of the Tracks

Well, after a tiring few days, we're finally all moved in and mostly settled in our new apartment just south of campus!  It was strenuous and strenuous but we FINALLY got all of our garbage brought up to the third floor!  It would have helped if we had had some guys around, but oh well!  


I'll post pictures later, but our apartment is finally starting to look cute!  We bought a beastly filing cabinet thing (it doesn't actually have drawers, just shelves that slide out) with 8 shelves at D.I. for $20.  It weighed at least 200 lbs - and that is seriously not an exaggeration - and it took SIX of us to get it upstairs!  It was awful and we all have bruises from it!


Then Trevor came and we did some fun stuff!  Saturday, we went to Stuart Falls and hiked.  It was a lot more strenuous than I was expecting!  When we got home, we cleaned up a little and went to Canyon Glen Park for a cook out!  We made hot dogs and hamburgers and a bonfire and it was so much fun!  Then on Sunday, I took Trevor and Troy to the airport and got lost in Salt Lake.  And it wasn't even my fault!  They closed my exit and didn't have very clear detour signs so I got lost and then my car hit empty and it was quite the adventure!  


After church we went to my Aunt Lori's for dinner and played catchphrase and had a lot of fun!  It was pretty much the best way to end the summer before starting school!


Speaking of, TODAY I WENT BACK!  I started the day by pulling a freshman move and getting lost.  By going to the complete wrong building!  I felt so dumb and got to class super late!  Today I had Basic Editing Skills, Geneology, and Italian.  Italian is going to be the death of me.  Seriously.  Tomorrow, I have Italian and Marriage Prep.  The only other classes I have are on Wed night (Joseph Smith and his teachings or whatever) and Intro to Nutrition!  Should be interesting!  Luckily my first class is at 12 tomorrow so I'll have a little more time to prepare myself in the morning!  


Overall, I am pretty excited for this school year!  I'm trying to cut out all of the people that brought drama to my life and I'm going to do my best to be more positive and outgoing this year!  I've already had a lot of struggles while being here but I know it's all for a reason, even if I don't know what it is yet!  I can't wait to see what fun and exciting stuff happens this year and I'll do my best to keep up my blog (since I'm sure I have sooo many dedicated readers!).  

So tempting.

This one right here is gonna be gooder than grits.

I'm just going to pretend like I came up with that title on my own.  But it really came from the owner of Lizard Lick Towing. 


Anyways.  It seems like just about everyone I know is either seriously dating someone, engaged, or newly wed.  


And I haven't been on a legitimate date in over a year.  I've been on friend dates, but not a real "I like you, will you go on a date with me?"  


This year is going to be different.


It has to be different.








Or I just might go crazy.

I want this.

Step on a crack and you'll break your mama's back.

Or her coccyx.

Katie Bar the Door

This post is dedicated to Katie Camp and will contain 5 reasons why she is one of my very best friends.


1) We suffered through Behan's Humanities class together.  No one else can ever understand that.


2) We do weird stuff together - namely love spells.


3) She attracts jerk boyfriends and I attract jerk guy friends.


4) Anti-Valentine's day celebrations.  Enough said.


5) No matter how long we've been apart, we can get back together and start right where we left off. :]

Hello, Southland

The Most Epic of Posts

Wow.  So not only is this my...

ONE-HUNDREDTHHUNDREDTHHUNDREDTHHUNDREDTHHUNDREDTH 

BLOGBLOGBLOGBLOGBLOG 

POSTPOSTPOSTPOSTPOST 

but!  It is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY VERY FIRST BLOG POST!  Wow.  How crazy that both of these marvelous events are happening on the same day!

The sad thing is... I don't have a whole lot to blog about.  

I go home in three weeks!!!  I get to quit working in Hell... I mean at Lowe's in 2 1/2 weeks.  As much as I want to go home and see my friends again, part of me is sad because I won't be seeing my brother for a while probably.  

RJ comes home from his mission Tuesday and that is SUPER exciting!  Unfortunately... I won't be home just quite yet.  It will be weird having him home again!  It's been two years!  Goodness.  Time flies yet drags at the same time.  Funny how that works.  

Hmm what else?  I really can't wait for classes to start.  The more I'm away from it, the more I know I want to be an editor.  I miss learning about English and usage and the correct ways to do things.  I really miss my usage homework.  I learned SO MUCH doing it!  I just really miss it.

I've had my testimony grow over little things a lot lately.  Especially tithing.  It's such a little thing but it's so huge too.  I know that even though I'm not always perfect, the Lord knows where my heart is and helps me where I need it.  I know it's not like some huge thing, but I really needed to get a haircut but I couldn't afford it... Yeah, I'm pathetic.  I was just gonna wait until I had a little more money, and then I got a refund check in the mail that I didn't know I'd be getting.  Turns out, it was the exact amount that I needed to get a haircut.  Like I said, not some insane miracle, but it was enough to kinda impress upon me that Heavenly Father is watching over us, knows what we need and want, and will help us when the time is right.  Looks like He thought I needed a haircut too ;]

It's hard to think that an entire year has gone by since my first post.  I've done a way better job keeping track of this than I have my journal.  I had a standard composition notebook that I decorated and made pretty in Young Women's in... January 2007. Yeah.  I finally only have 3 pages left to fill.  It's insane that it's taken me that long to finish it!  I started when I was 15 and now I'm almost 20!  Pathetic, I know.  But I'm getting better at this kind of stuff.  It's weird to read back just a year ago about what was going on in my life.  Since last summer, I've become an adult.  I mean, I still have a ways to go, but I'm a whole heck of a lot closer now.  Last summer, I had an Associate's degree but I didn't really know what real college was like.  I had had jobs but none of them were super consistent or rigid.  I was still poor but I had no real financial responsibilities.  I only had to worry about paying to see movies or go get food with my friends or pay for gas to drive to Orlando or something every blue moon.  Now, I have had two pretty legit jobs.  One of them, basically everyone in authority hated me for no real reason.  I have to figure out how I'm going to pay for tuition, books, a real apartment, A CAR, and car insurance while being very active in Tall Club and staying on top of my school work.  Not to mention keeping up with the other areas of my social life so that guys may possibly just maybe sorta kinda want to take me on dates. Finally.  Sometimes thinking about how I am going to get through this school year makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up (not die, just sleep) so that I don't have to deal with it and stress over it.  But then I think of all the fun times I have had and how much I've grown.  I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't learned how to manage life's challenges last year.  While this next year is going to be a lot harder, I, for the most part, have peace when I get past all the scary thoughts.  I know that Heavenly Father knows I'm doing my best to be the best person I can be.  He knows that I'm trying to mature while still using my talents and the personality traits He gave me the best I can.  He's not going to give me anything I can't handle.  I know there are going to be days when I feel like giving up and crawling into an abysmal hole, but that's all part of growing up.  One day I'm going to be a wife and a mother and possibly have a career and it's not going to be easy.  If I don't learn now how to handle all of life's challenges, how am I going to cope then?  It just won't be possible. 

I'm pretty sure the Brooke who began this blog a year ago has clearly undergone some major changes.  A lot of me is still here, but a good part of me is gone and buried with my kid books and pink&green bedroom walls.  The thing that I found funniest while reading my old posts was that I was so ready to get married and start that lifestyle then.  After a few months at BYU, I was terrified of marriage.  Funny, right?  I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.  I'm not ready for marriage yet.  Maybe that's because I haven't found the right guy yet.  I mean I definitely still wanna get married in the next few (couple) of years, but as of right now, I'm not ready for that responsibility.  I haven't progressed quite enough to take on those eternal commitments.  I know it'll happen at the right time, but I'm still a little scared of it.  Last summer, I for sure wasn't.  

Sorry that this post has been all over the place.  That's kinda how my brain is lately.  I guess that's how I've always been, it's just gotten worse...

I can't really think of anything else to say so I'm going to say goodbye to this last year.  I'm sure as I move along throughout this next year I'll run into you frequently, but I suppose it's time to part ways for now.  It's be a wonderful journey.

You really have a way with words.

"They say you're really not somebody 

until somebody else loves you. 

Well, I am waiting to make somebody

somebody soon."

Thanks, Ingrid.

Being an adult

Sucks.


I just got paid today.


4/5 of my paycheck is already gone.


UGH!

The Lord watches over us... Always.

Today I got a phone call beginning with the worst possible phrase:

"Don't freak out, but..."

Followed up by quite possibly the worst possible phrase:

"Your dad was in an accident and is being taken to the hospital by ambulance."

Needless to say, I freaked out.  I was terrified.  My mom didn't have much besides what the medic said, which also wasn't much.  It was basically composed of an assurance from my dad that he was alright, which if you know my dad seriously doesn't mean anything.  At all.  My dad could have had his arm chopped off and he would tell people he had a slight flesh wound.

So him saying he was alright, yet complaining of neck and back pain, was terrifying.  Want to know what happened (as far as we know)?

My dad decided to go help out some members in our ward even though he was tired and just wanted to sit on his butt and play Farmville (I added that very last part.  It's true though...) but he knew he needed to go and help them out.  So he was on a normal yet semi-busy two lane road, minding his own bees wax when a lady decided she wanted to get to the other side of the road.  Think of a chicken.  Unfortunately for both her and my dad, it wasn't a good time to go and she hit my dad.  Right on the driver's side door.  Mind you he wasn't in a truck or an SUV, but our PT Cruiser (which is obviously a beast and cursed since I wrecked it last summer...).  Airbags deployed and my dad got hurt.  

When they took him to the ER, it took foreverrrr to get the results back for his x-rays, so for a long time all we knew was that he (while wearing an uncomfortable neck brace) burned his right arm and most likely broke his left wrist.  

It was so hard not being home today.  He already had to go to the ER back in March or April after playing volleyball with adults in the ward, and that was hard enough.  But today, not knowing exactly how he was and not being there with him was terrible.  I cried a lot and said a lot of prayers.

Finally, the results came back and mostly everything was fine.  He did indeed break his wrist and the only other injuries he sustained were the burn on his arm, which he says doesn't hurt, and some soreness, which should be expected really.  It is seriously such a huge blessing that he wasn't hurt worse and I know that all of the prayers offered up today played a role in that.  

Now, we just have to worry about whether or not the car is totaled...

BUT!  My dad is okay, and he still gets to go to St. Augustine this weekend with my mom and a bunch of other people for a wedding!  He'll even fit in with this weekend's colors...

Talking about it increases it.

It's cool.  You know how they say the more you bear your testimony, the greater it becomes?  Well, I never really had that until tonight.


Tonight on the way home from my brother's show, my niece and I were talking about Christ.  It started by her saying she was going to marry a prince(/her dad) in the temple and somehow transitioned into monsters in her room.  We talked about how my brother had Jesus come (he said a prayer to help her) and He made them go away.  We talked about how even though monsters are mean and scary, Christ still loves them and doesn't hit them (she asked...).  I told her how one day He will come back to Earth and hold her and tell her how much He loves her. And how He'll play with dolls with her.  


It was such a simple conversation but it was so amazing for me.  We say so often how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us more than we know, but telling it to a three year old made it take on a new meaning.  I know that they love us.  I know that even though we don't always feel Them, and maybe we don't understand why things are so hard and think that maybe they've forgotten us, they haven't.  


Go talk to a kid.  Tell them about the love we're given from our Savior and Father.  You'll discover the same thing, too.

I forgot how much I love them.

This was like my favorite band/song freshman year of high school.  No one knew who they were yet.


I apologize for the kinda inappropriate album artwork...

If I pretend good enough, it might just be true... Right?

I know that's not proper grammar, but who cares.  It's not like I'm an English major.  Because I'm not. ;]


What am I pretending, you ask?


I'm pretending that I'm at BYU.  This is all just a really long lonely dream and I'm really still at school.  I still have my dreadful Italian class and I still wake up early three days a week to work at the testing center.  I still see my friends every day and I still have a ward where people talk to me and want to be my friend.  


I still have classes and homework and horrible Italian quizzes and Tall Club and devotionals and the dollar theater and Sunday night culture dinners and friends.


I don't have a car (or maybe I still do ;]) and I take the bus everywhere and hate it.  I sell my plasma and go to Fortune's to pig out on Chinese food with my friends. 


It's 55 degrees and wonderful and we do our homework outside but get distracted by random conversations and ranting and get in trouble for sitting in our kitchen chairs outside so we go in and end up sleeping on each other or watching a movie and getting nothing done.  Then we go to the Creamery and debate whether or not we should get (ice cream, cookies, chips, fruit, yogurt, cookies, soda, gummy worms, ice cream, cookie dough, cake/brownie/cheese cake mix) and end up getting it because we can and don't need it.


We tell each other where we are using north, south, east and west based on our proximity to Y mountain. 


I miss this.  I'm thinking if I keep my eyes closed long enough, it has to come true, right?


I think 9 1/2 weeks will be just enough.

Dear Farmington,

You kinda suck.  


You have one mall.  Really?  I mean I'm not the type to go shopping all the time, but when I do, I need more than 64 stores.  I say this because 95% of those stores are those weird ones that no one goes in because they're just weird...  And it's the only mall for three hours.  


People here are also the worst drivers I have ever seen in my entire life.  We just to complain about Utah drivers - especially their (lack of) parking skills.  Here, it's worse.  Hard to believe, I know.  How long would you guess it takes me to drive 4.5 miles to get to work?  Just guess.  You're wrong.  15 minutes.  There is no flow of traffic here.  The speed limit is 35 and you get stopped every block at a red light.  Ridiculous.


There are 43,420 people who live here.  There's one post office.


On the plus side, if you drive an hour to three hours there are a couple of fun things to do.

Ever gotten stuck in a tunnel made by a 5' Native American?

Well I have.  Just yesterday, in fact!  It all happened when we went to Mesa Verde!  We decided to go on the Balcony House and Cliffside House tours.  Balcony was by far the hardest.  There wasn't any one thing that was really strenuous, but overall, it was exhausting.  There were stairs, ladders, crevices, and, best of all, tunnels.  One tunnel was two feet wide and a little less than three feet tall.  Needless to say, I got stuck.  I was panicking (yes, that's the correct spelling) before I even tried and I was really panicking when I got stuck.  It was terrifying.  I literally couldn't move.  Most people crawled through on their hands and knees, but I was still too tall and hip-ie for that.  So I had to lie on my stomach and attempt to wiggle through.  Except I couldn't wiggle.  I was legitimately stuck.  I finally got my arms out so that I could pull myself through by hooking my arms on the walls, but it hurt haha Once I was out of the tunnel, I was just in a bigger tunnel.  I could at least kinda stand up before going through a medium sized tunnel to escape and climb yet another ladder.  That part, at the time, was pretty awful.  My chest hurt for a little from having so much anxiety but once I was able to cool down and relax, it was actually kinda funny... kinda.  


It was really awesome to look around Mesa Verde.  There are some really incredible sights to see.  The people that lived there amaze me with how they were able to build and develop homes in the sides of cliffs.  If you are ever in the area, I highly suggest that you visit here!  It's worth the parking and $3 tour fees for SURE!


If you wanna check it out, go here :]

A Whole Year

has passed since I graduated high school.  An entire year.  Today.  How crazy is that?  My life is so different now.  I'm so different now.  Parts of me really miss high school and the friends I had, I guess still have.  But I'm glad for the changes I've made.  I'm way closer to being completely independent.  Being away from my family doesn't scare me as much anymore.  Yeah, I really do miss the simplicity (even though it didn't seem so simple then) of my life then, I am grateful for the changes that have occurred this year and where I am now.  


I'm still feeling rather nostalgic, though.

Hidden Meanings

So first off, let me apologize for how ugly my blog is. It won't let me change the background so I was forced to do this until I can figure something out.  


Now onto the real purpose of this blog.  I just finished the first Harry Potter book for the very first time.  Yeah yeah, get it out of your system and just flip out openly about how shocking it is that I've never read them.  I just couldn't get into them when I was younger, ok?


So anyways, as I was reading the very last chapter, when Harry is telling Ron and Hermione what happened when he and Dumbledore had discussed, there was something that really hit a chord with me in relation to the Gospel.  I'm just going to type it all out on here.


"D'you think he meant you to do it?" said Ron.  "Sending you your father's cloak and everything?"


"Well," Hermione exploded, "if he did - I mean to say - that's terrible - you could have been killed."


"No, it isn't," said Harry thoughtfully.  "He's a funny man, Dumbledore.  I think he sort of wanted to give me a chance.  I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here, you know.  I reckon he had a pretty good idea we were going to try, and instead of stopping us, he just taught us enough to help.  I don't think it was an accident he let me find out how the mirror worked.  It's almost like he thought I had the right to face Voldemort if I could..." 


Some of you may be confused by this, but to me, it makes perfect sense.  Heavenly Father knows everything that goes on down here.  He's not ignorant of what we do or face on a daily basis.  While some people think it's terrible that He doesn't stop bad things from happening to good and innocent people, He's just giving us the chance to prove ourselves and grow.  He knows our strengths and weaknesses and He already knows what sins we are prone to commit.  Instead of stopping us, He teaches us enough to get through all of our trials and burdens.  He allows us to learn things about Him and the Gospel so that we can be strong and capable enough to survive.  He knows we eventually have to face Satan and defeat him so He teaches us what we need to know to succeed.


I don't know about you guys, but I think that is just awesome.